Underwear Classification System
Warning: This post contains language related to the wearing of undergarments. It is not meant to be rude, sexual or nasty in any way, just thought provoking and possibly funny. I normally include pictures in my posts, but thought that would be entirely inappropriate. If this may offend you in any way; too bad, keep reading. Click to read The other day I was going ape because I couldn’t find a pair of my “suit†underwear. I had a big meeting in the afternoon and needed to be on my “A†game. Mommy Bacchus asked why I was throwing clothes from the “clean†laundry basket all over the bedroom. I simply grunted and moved to the closet where I keep the “emergency stashâ€, but found nothing. I started to take this personally, because this is the exact reason why I prefer to do the family laundry. Since I am not a huge clothing buyer, I don’t have many options when I search for something to wear. Mommy Bacchus can go three weeks with only having to rinse out panties if she needed to. Me, I gotta wash each and every week no exceptions…. What further bothered me was that I had to settle for a pair of “every day†underwear, that I knew were going to bother me. Not that they would be uncomfortable, but they were not the right brand and style. I always knew that women had a classification system for their undergarments, but was I becoming an anal freak (no pun intended)? The entire day I tried to not let it bother me, but it did. Underwear should be the kind of thing you forget about once you put it on, but I couldn’t stop. I thought about the weekend pairs I had, and the church pairs, and the athletic pairs. The Hanes, Fruit of the Loom, Jockey and Calvin Klein pairs I had. I had athletic supporters, shorts, boxers briefs and spandex bicycle pants. What was I doing? Why can’t I find one brand and/or style that would fit the bill no matter what I had planned for the day? Aren’t there more important things for me to think about? What was wrong with me? By the end of the “big†meeting I got back to my office and realized that during the meeting my underwear didn’t enter my mind. What a relief. Since I couldn’t come to any other resolution to my problem, there was only one thing left for me to do. I went directly to the nearest department store and purchased more “suit†underwear. Until I or someone comes up with a solution, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do……
3 comments
You know, this is a funny post but there’s a lot of truth in it. Personally, I prefer CK Boxers, but you can’t wear those comfortably under jeans. Tight jeans, that is. And certainly they’re not appropriate in the gym. My take is pretty much that all clothing has its function. You wouldn’t wear a winter parka meant for Alaskan Winters in Florida in a light rain. I’m sure you have many different kinds of coats, sweaters, pants, shorts and shirts, so why not underwear?
More specifically, I go whitewater rafting about 30 days a year. When I started getting serious about rafting, I decided to have my own professional gear so I could be comfortable. No more rented neoprene wetsuits that other people had pissed in. You know what I’m saying?
So I have paddling pants, hydroskin pants and tops, rash guards, splash jackets, dry tops, fleece layers, board shorts, water sandals, wool socks and even water shoes with spider rubber meant to stick on slimy rocks underwater and on the riverbank. This clothing gives me flexibility so I can be comfortable on the river in 30 degrees or 100 degrees, in wind or thunderstorm, on sunny or cloudy days, and in water temperatures ranging from 40-70 degrees. (BTW…on the river on cold days when I wear the hydroskin pants, I wear nylon bike shorts as the layer against my skin–NIKE)
You see what I mean?
If you’re looking for an all purpose brand of underwear, I really like POLO/Ralph Lauren’s Athletic Mid-Thigh Boxer Briefs–very soft and comfortable and utilitarian. But on a hot day or with suits, I like CK Boxers. But in a pinch, Hanes knitted boxer briefs will do, but make sure they have a button fly before you buy or you’ll be hanging out all day!
Take care man!
Meltwater. Torrents. Meanderings. Delta.
Too Funny………
I think we are all that way about at least one personal type item….we just aren’t brave enough to admit it openly….
Thanks Beth, at least I now know that I am not alone in this. Also, thanks for allowing me to crash at your site for a week. Looking forward to visiting your site more.
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