Let’s Practice Good Locker Room Etiquette

Every time I go to the gym it seems I have some locker room issue with other patrons. I had a high school wrestling coach who demanded we all live by his rules. It’s now obvious that I have adopted many of these rules. Oh ladies, don’t sit there and turn your nose up in the air, we know you can be just as nasty as the guys. So below is my list of rules that will make every men’s locker room experience, more pleasant.

1. Don’t be a Plastic Man
I once knew a man who would never work out at the gym, but would always stop by daily to soak in the hot tub or visit the sauna. The problem was that Plastic Man always walked around the locker room completely naked and felt the need to strike up conversations with anyone who would listen. I would see him when I first got to the gym and when I got ready to leave; he would still be naked talking up a storm. Guys, if you ever meet a Plastic Man, don’t ever respond to anything he says. Once you do, he will come looking for you on a regular basis. Oh, he got the nick-name of Plastic Man because he wore a wig that he thought no one noticed. What a looser.

2. I don’t really want to talk to you
Unless I know you, please don’t try and strike up a conversation. With the exception of commenting on what’s on the locker room TV or the weather. (Also, see #1 above)

3. Clean up the sink after you shave
Your mother doesn’t live here.

4. Don’t shave in the communal shower
Although I am aware that shaving in the shower is best for you, most of us really don’t want to walk through your blood stains that drip on the floor.

5. If you have athlete’s™ feet, keep them to yourself
Wear shower shoes so you don’t spread it to the rest of us. Oh, and get to the nearest drug store and spray something on those dogs.

6. If you have to do #2 in the bathroom, give the rest of us a Mercy Flush
No elaboration needed..

To see the rest, click here

7. Don’t leave your funky clothes on the floor while you go take a shower
I can’t believe how inconsiderate some people can be. Not only do we have to bear your funk while standing next to you, don’t make us have to smell it when you’re not around. Plus, nobody can use the lockers around yours because no one wants to move your funktified pile of clothes.

8. Leave aerosol-like deodorant spray cans at home
Nobody wants a face full of your preferred scent. This is why they invented sticks and roll-ons.

9. Please shower before putting your clothes back on
I see men do this during their lunch hour workouts. Hey guys, we don’t care that you don’t think you smell, the fact is, you’re funky. That’s just nasty and everyone talks about you back at the office.

10. Before you leave, close your locker
Nobody wants to turn the corner and clock themselves on an opened door. Unfortunately I know this from experience, it’s extremely painful.

11. Take it easy on the cologne
We’re in a confined area and this stuff spreads like electricity throughout the room. Two sprays, then put down the bottle.

12. Lastly, Don’t stare
I shouldn’t have to say this but no matter what you see in the locker room, don’t ever stare. What you see in the locker room stays in the locker room.

I reserve the right to add more later, but this is all I got right now.