My Wife is Seeing Another Man–Mr Black
Yes, my wife is doing something I never thought she would do. Mommy Bacchus has a boyfriend. Due to privacy concerns, I will refer to this other man as “Mr. Black.” There were several clues that revealed this relationship. Mommy Bacchus talks to Mr. Black every free moment she has, in the car, on the elevator, or waiting for take-out. She is constantly holding his hand and touching his face. Mr. Black is small compact, colorful and re-charges his batteries each night. How can a guy compete with that? Below is a picture I took of him while he was sleeping. I blacked out his face to protect his identity.
Mr. Black makes my wife laugh, cry and scream. Yes, I said, scream. One morning we were heading out the drive way and Mommy Bacchus tells me to stop the car and bolts out the door. She runs back into the house yelling and calling his name. What’s up with that????
Fortunately for me, I think they have developed what most young relationships encounter; a communication problem. One morning Mr Black told her to be at a certain place, at a certain time, but had his facts all wrong. This made Mommy Bacchus furious and she threatened to trade him in for another model. (Yes!!!!) Since I realized this was my perfect opportunity to break them up, I started doing little things to add to the relationship tension. I would un-plug Mr. Black’s charger in the middle of the night hoping he runs out of juice in the middle of the day. I have been having my own conversations with Mr. Black and giving him false appointment/calendar entries hoping she will get mad at him again. I have also been cutting out advertisements for Mr Black’s adversary, Mr “T” (Palm Treo 650), and leaving them lying around the house. Unfortunately none of these tactics have worked so far. It appears that I am left with only one choice.
I see Mr. Black all around town with other women. He can be found at soccer games, the grocery store and even on the highway while some people are driving. I think my only alternative is to play on Mommy Bacchus’ jealous nature and email her pictures showing Mr. Black for the TRUE SLUT that he his. I know it may sound cruel to used Mr. Blackâ€™s designed functionality in an effort to destroy him, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Hopefully the next chapter will be “Mr Black gets sold on eBay.”