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My Wife is Seeing Another Man–Mr Black

Yes, my wife is doing something I never thought she would do. Mommy Bacchus has a boyfriend. Due to privacy concerns, I will refer to this other man as “Mr. Black.” There were several clues that revealed this relationship. Mommy Bacchus talks to Mr. Black every free moment she has, in the car, on the elevator, or waiting for take-out. She is constantly holding his hand and touching his face. Mr. Black is small compact, colorful and re-charges his batteries each night. How can a guy compete with that? Below is a picture I took of him while he was sleeping. I blacked out his face to protect his identity.

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Mr. Black makes my wife laugh, cry and scream. Yes, I said, scream. One morning we were heading out the drive way and Mommy Bacchus tells me to stop the car and bolts out the door. She runs back into the house yelling and calling his name. What’s up with that????

Fortunately for me, I think they have developed what most young relationships encounter; a communication problem. One morning Mr Black told her to be at a certain place, at a certain time, but had his facts all wrong. This made Mommy Bacchus furious and she threatened to trade him in for another model. (Yes!!!!) Since I realized this was my perfect opportunity to break them up, I started doing little things to add to the relationship tension. I would un-plug Mr. Black’s charger in the middle of the night hoping he runs out of juice in the middle of the day. I have been having my own conversations with Mr. Black and giving him false appointment/calendar entries hoping she will get mad at him again. I have also been cutting out advertisements for Mr Black’s adversary, Mr “T” (Palm Treo 650), and leaving them lying around the house. Unfortunately none of these tactics have worked so far. It appears that I am left with only one choice.

I see Mr. Black all around town with other women. He can be found at soccer games, the grocery store and even on the highway while some people are driving. I think my only alternative is to play on Mommy Bacchus’ jealous nature and email her pictures showing Mr. Black for the TRUE SLUT that he his. I know it may sound cruel to used Mr. Black’s designed functionality in an effort to destroy him, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Hopefully the next chapter will be “Mr Black gets sold on eBay.”

10 comments

1 AngryBlackBitch { 04.02.06 at 11:18 am }

Too funny!

Feel free to blogroll and thanks for your comment!

2 Izzy { 04.02.06 at 4:59 pm }

lololol…love it!

3 Tricia { 04.03.06 at 12:40 am }

Hilarious! :)

Oh you really have to put a stop to this. Mr. Black will take over the house and the next thing you know he’ll invite his friends Mr. Boytoy second cell, and the adorable Mr. laptop will join in and follow your wife everywhere she goes, especially if Mr. Wireless comes to visit.

Seriously .. did you see 60 minutes this evening? They did a story on how Americans are working long hours- 60 and 80 hour work weeks. They interviewed one couple that are so attached to their friends – particularly ones like Mr. Black that they barely even have one real face to face conversation each week. The really sad part is that at the end of their story they showed their 8 month old baby. all I can think is that if they can’t even have one decent conversation with each other over the course of a week, then that poor baby isn’t getting the attention it needs either.

4 Bacchus { 04.03.06 at 1:01 am }

Tricia, I can’t believe I missed the program, but I will look it up on-line. Seriously though, this whole realization started when I watched my brother-in-law come over to visit my wife who we haven’t seen in a couple of years. The first fifteen minutes of his visit was spent comparing pda’s, swapping email addresses, phone #’s etc. They sat no more than 5 feet away, and never looked up at each other.

5 Matt Urdan { 04.03.06 at 1:56 am }

Ed,

Thanks for the praise you left on my blog tonight regarding the April Fool’s joke classic. I really appreciate it. I am very gratified with how many people I fooled, how much fun those were fooled had, and how much fun those who observed those getting fooled had watching them getting fooled. Uh, yeah.

When so many people can have a great time with just one post I think it exemplies the power of the blogosphere to bring people together and entertain so that when the posts turn more serious there’s a group that can organize and act if necessary.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been working on some collaborative efforts with other bloggers. We have a great untapped resource in our community, and it would be great if we could tap into it and create a loud voice of empowerment.

But in the mean time, if all of us can share a few laughs, like I did with your underwear post, I think we can call our contributions to the electronic world a success.

Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your support.

6 Parenting Toys » Update: My Wife’s Affair { 04.05.06 at 12:12 am }

[...] In a previous post I described how much time my wife was spending with Mr. Black. Tricia, this weeks renter, found a great article posted by CBS news.  She also provided a video link, but it has moved. The article describes affairs other people are having and how it is changing both their work and personal lives. Please see a new profile picture of Mr. Black below: [...]

7 Beth { 04.05.06 at 2:11 pm }

I was getting a little worried when you said the batteries recharged at night and you were still blogging about it…..

Mr. Black sounds like a cool dude

8 Bacchus { 04.05.06 at 3:24 pm }

Beth, Mr. Black is becoming too cool. He is starting to do things for my wife that I would never do…..store her birthdays, anniversaries, and organize her finances. I am finding it very hard to compete.

9 Tricia’s Musings » The winning bid goes to { 04.18.06 at 8:10 pm }

[...] Parenting Toys has just gone through a major re-design. I think Ed is still tinkering around with the layout but it’s a very nice looking site. Parenting Toys started out as a way for Ed to let others know about great products that would be wonderful for parents, and the site still is that- but it’s so much more. There are personal stories about a father and his son, experiencing family traditions, beautiful photo’s, and humorous stories, and of course some great write up’s for some interesting gadgets that parents might enjoy. One of my favorite posts is “My wife is seeing another Man“. Ed’s an entertaining writer- please go see for yourself. [...]

10 tanyetta { 04.07.08 at 1:09 am }

this post is funny as hayle!!!!!!! ;)

thank you for the giggle

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