Category — Must Reads

Copyright 2006 Jason Briscoe

The other day I was bringing in groceries from the car and Bacchus Jr. (BJ) wanted to help. He likes showing me how strong he is by lifting the 2 liter bottles and putting them into the pantry.

BJ: “See my muscles daddy.”

Me: “Wow they are getting bigger, you must be eating your vegetables and drinking your milk.”

This goes back and forth for a few minutes until he’s done, but today was a little different. I had just dropped off some packages and started making my way back to the garage and while my back was turned I heard this.

BJ: “See my muscles daddy; I can open the refrigerator all by myself.”

Me: “That’s great BJ, you are really getting strong.”

As I continued into the garage, I envisioned a foggy dreamlike image of the future. I saw BJ at the age of 17 bent at the waist and staring endlessly looking into the refrigerator. He wasn’t moving anything, just staring into the frig as though the food would jump out at him. I was seeing this from a distance and the first thing that came to mind was something my father used to say to me.

Dad: “Close it, or lose it.”

In other words, stop letting all the cold air out or I’ll lose my foot up your @#$%^%&. Yes, I was turning into my dad. My thoughts were becoming my dad's thoughts and that’s ok.

I guess this is just one of the many things most dads go through, but extremely enlightening to me. So I gathered up my groceries from the car and came back into the kitchen and found BJ no where in sight but the scene below.

Now that BJ is strong enough to open the refrigerator, we need to work on him being smart enough to close it.

Yes, my wife is doing something I never thought she would do. Mommy Bacchus has a boyfriend. Due to privacy concerns, I will refer to this other man as “Mr. Black.” There were several clues that revealed this relationship. Mommy Bacchus talks to Mr. Black every free moment she has, in the car, on the elevator, or waiting for take-out. She is constantly holding his hand and touching his face. Mr. Black is small compact, colorful and re-charges his batteries each night. How can a guy compete with that? Below is a picture I took of him while he was sleeping. I blacked out his face to protect his identity.

Mr. Black makes my wife laugh, cry and scream. Yes, I said, scream. One morning we were heading out the drive way and Mommy Bacchus tells me to stop the car and bolts out the door. She runs back into the house yelling and calling his name. What’s up with that????

Fortunately for me, I think they have developed what most young relationships encounter; a communication problem. One morning Mr Black told her to be at a certain place, at a certain time, but had his facts all wrong. This made Mommy Bacchus furious and she threatened to trade him in for another model. (Yes!!!!) Since I realized this was my perfect opportunity to break them up, I started doing little things to add to the relationship tension. I would un-plug Mr. Black’s charger in the middle of the night hoping he runs out of juice in the middle of the day. I have been having my own conversations with Mr. Black and giving him false appointment/calendar entries hoping she will get mad at him again. I have also been cutting out advertisements for Mr Black’s adversary, Mr “T” (Palm Treo 650), and leaving them lying around the house. Unfortunately none of these tactics have worked so far. It appears that I am left with only one choice.

I see Mr. Black all around town with other women. He can be found at soccer games, the grocery store and even on the highway while some people are driving. I think my only alternative is to play on Mommy Bacchus’ jealous nature and email her pictures showing Mr. Black for the TRUE SLUT that he his. I know it may sound cruel to used Mr. Black’s designed functionality in an effort to destroy him, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Hopefully the next chapter will be “Mr Black gets sold on eBay.”

These are wrongly attributed to Bill Gates– The real author is Charles J. Sykes “50 Rules That Kids Won’t Learn in School”

I got this emailed to me and thought it was good so I saved it and sharing with all of you. Presented at Mt. Whitney High School in Visalia, California. Worthwhile reading for anyone. Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, or anyone who has ever been a kid, here’s some advice Bill Gates recently dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair-get used to it.

Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule3: You will NOT make $40,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

Every time I go to the gym it seems I have some locker room issue with other patrons. I had a high school wrestling coach who demanded we all live by his rules. It’s now obvious that I have adopted many of these rules. Oh ladies, don’t sit there and turn your nose up in the air, we know you can be just as nasty as the guys. So below is my list of rules that will make every men’s locker room experience, more pleasant.

1. Don’t be a Plastic Man
I once knew a man who would never work out at the gym, but would always stop by daily to soak in the hot tub or visit the sauna. The problem was that Plastic Man always walked around the locker room completely naked and felt the need to strike up conversations with anyone who would listen. I would see him when I first got to the gym and when I got ready to leave; he would still be naked talking up a storm. Guys, if you ever meet a Plastic Man, don’t ever respond to anything he says. Once you do, he will come looking for you on a regular basis. Oh, he got the nick-name of Plastic Man because he wore a wig that he thought no one noticed. What a looser.

2. I don’t really want to talk to you
Unless I know you, please don’t try and strike up a conversation. With the exception of commenting on what’s on the locker room TV or the weather. (Also, see #1 above)

3. Clean up the sink after you shave
Your mother doesn’t live here.

4. Don’t shave in the communal shower
Although I am aware that shaving in the shower is best for you, most of us really don’t want to walk through your blood stains that drip on the floor.

5. If you have athlete’s™ feet, keep them to yourself
Wear shower shoes so you don’t spread it to the rest of us. Oh, and get to the nearest drug store and spray something on those dogs.

6. If you have to do #2 in the bathroom, give the rest of us a Mercy Flush
No elaboration needed..

To see the rest, click here [Read more →]

Over at Miss Lady Ma'am she did a post describing her desire to attend church before Easter. Very touching post and caused me to share the following.

While walking up to Church Sunday Bacchus Jr. stated that he liked going to Church and I asked him why. His answer

Because Jesus loves us…..I responded with, yes he does.

Although I didn't attend Church on a regular basis as a child, I always admired the people who did. They seemed more grounded in life and were purpose-driven. I began my journey to attend Church when Bacchus Jr. was born. After watching my wife give birth, I knew there had to be a God…… I can't gurantee that Bacchus Jr. will share my beliefs, but he will not be ignorant to what the Bible teaches us. So I guess I can add this to my Promise to my Son post. My thoughts on Miss Lady Ma'am wanting to attend Church relate to shopping. One of my foundest memories of my deceased father were the times we spent shopping togther for my new Easter suits for the year. As a kid I hated this entire event, but as an adult I became aware that this was part of his teaching me to become a man….. So dads, take you sons to Church!!!!

Warning: This post contains language related to the wearing of undergarments. It is not meant to be rude, sexual or nasty in any way, just thought provoking and possibly funny. I normally include pictures in my posts, but thought that would be entirely inappropriate. If this may offend you in any way; too bad, keep reading. Click to read [Read more →]

I read an article in the November Men’s Health magazine about Colonel Skip Johnson, a battalion commander in the army’s 101st Airborne Division that got me thinking of what kind of man would I want my son to be. I’m not talking about his occupation or personality, but what will people think of when they hear his name. Colonel Johnson was asked about the potential of not being able to come home from Iraq and his response was:

My boys grew up saying, “Yes, sir” and “No sir”, not just to teach them respect for their elders, but as a simple way to instill discipline.” Introduce discipline early, especially in little ways that your kids have to practice frequently, and it will help them succeed in every aspect of their lives, whether it’s school, family, athletics or work.

Since I have been facing issues of my own mortality lately, I needed to begin work in making my four year old son, Bacchus Jr. (BJ) a man I could be proud of. So for the past several weeks, I have been trying to get BJ to respond to me with “yes, sir” and “no, sir.” It’s the same way we do when I ask him to say, “thank you” to people in public settings.

I am happy to report that after two weeks, it happened. I was in his room the other evening and I asked him to do something and he said, “yes, sir.” That’s right, on his own with no help or prompting from me. I didn’t remind him of it at all during the day. He just said it, and I almost (gotta keep it real, I was touched to say the least).

I swelled up with pride and just stared at him, while he continued what he was doing. This is the third time I have felt like this in his life. The first was when he was born, the second I did a post about Follow Me and now. He has continued to say it several times since, but nothing compares to the first. After several days, I realized that I am on a mission to making him a respectful and disciplined gentleman. He will learn to respect womanhood and love all mankind. He will listen to his elders and respect the paths they have led for him. He will always carry a handkerchief in his back right pocket not because he may need it, but so he can give it to a lady in her time of need. He will learn all of these things at a young age and practice them until they become habits. Although he won’t always understand their purposes, it will come to him later in life.

This is my promise to my son. If I were to leave this earthly body today, I have the peace of mind knowing that he is on the right path. In Colonel Johnson’s words, “It’s not what you do (with your kids) while you’re away that matters. It’s what you do while you’re home.”

Many of us have family and friends who we trust to watch our children, but what do you do when you have to go outside of that comfort zone. We found that our local hospital nurse and daycare center are wonderful resources to find quality sitters of infants and toddlers. When we had our first babysitter come to our home, I found myself constantly writing notes each time she came so I began to create a document that would need a little editing and I could print it out when needed. I used a template from a software program I had on my pc to get started, then I found a pullout from parenting magazine that was a nice addition to my notes. The link below is from a November 2004 article
Parenting.com Pullout Article

[Read more →]

Last year when my son, Bacchus Jr. (BJ), was three, I was watching him play on the jungle gym at McDonanld’s. I heard him say something that started me thinking.

“Follow me”

BJ was leading a couple of kids climbing up the side of one of the structures. Was my son going to grow up to be a leader or a follower? I became proud watching him order and organize the play activities, but would this continue in life? How do I teach my son to become a leader?

My initial thought was that I have to teach him how to be a follower, then he can start learning to become a leader. Honestly, it was the first moment I started to witness my son’s personality and it pleased me. Now I have to start cultivating his nature and make him the best man he can be. Unfortunately since that time, I have been knocked off my high horse and watched him get sent to the office at daycare, pick on younger children and be a disruptive force during soccer practice. Who said fatherhood was going to be easy???

I’m up to the task, so let the games begin…..

A buddy of mine at work and I came up with this list of things to do last spring during bad weather. He has 3 and I only have 2, but it has helped a number of times for us. Most are local Dallas, TX activities, but I am positive that you can find something similar in your own area.

1. Children’s Museum (Most major cities have one dedicated to children)
2. Kids Wing of the major Art Museum
3. Aquarium
4. Movies (A no brainer, but we can get more creative than this)
5. Science Museum (Great adventure for kids)
6. Toys R US Jungle Gym (In the TX summer heat this is a must)
7. Merry Go Round at local mall (We have a couple of malls who have installed these)
8. Roller Skating
9. Bowling
10 Build A Bear (A chain found in malls, you can take all afternoon deciding on the many choices)
11. Paint N Party (Arts store where you can pick your piece, paint it and they fire it)
12. Chuckie Cheese
13. Main Event (Similiar to Chuckie Cheese or Dave & Busters)
14. Dave & Busters
15. Bookstore (Barnes & Noble or a half-priced one)
16. Library
17. Ice Cream

The key to this list is to have it handy because you never know when you are going to need it. If you have something to add, please comment.